Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
