after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
