Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
