why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
