I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
