Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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