woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
