yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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