:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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