do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
