Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
