He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
