the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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