My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
