My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize