so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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