I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
