I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need moral support for this bender
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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