i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
