Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
