whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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