Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize