I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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