Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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