Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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