I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
