I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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