so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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