rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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