Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
