One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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