I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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