Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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