the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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