is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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