I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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