She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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