I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
