I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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