You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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