He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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