we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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