Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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