i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
