After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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