How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's Friday. Sex?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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