And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
