Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize