That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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