Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
