I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize