My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
