i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
