Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
