I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
