it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
