Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
