i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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