I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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